July 26, 2013
tomorrow, if my psychiatrist is gonna say that there is nothing more he can do for me, even for an acute regression, i swear i am going to explode. or scream. or throw a tantrum. or say that i’m never coming back.
because seriously, it was enough trying to handle that there is nothing much more my rheumy can do for my RA while i am actively flaring and symptomatic, and it was like a nail in the coffin when i quit/failed treatment for my eating disorder when i realised i had let my ED psychiatrist verbally denigrate me and tear me up into pieces so small i wasn’t sure i existed. (we only have ONE eating disorders unit in the whole damned country.)
what makes things worse is that there is only so much that medications can do in depression. sure he could patronise me by increasing my dosages. but let’s face it. will i get better? NO.
so what now? what fucking now?
aargh it’s my fault. it’s always my fucking fault.