today, unexpectedly, God spoke to me while i was in church. while it might seem trivial, but i felt very strongly about it. it was also reminiscent of a similar situation that occurred a few years back when i tried feebly to return to church (Novena Church).
at the end of the Mass, an announcement was made asking for a doctor as someone has fainted. i saw someone responding immediately, and guessed he was a doctor. i went looking for where that person might be once the priest exited. it happened that she was a friend of a friend’s. while she did not lose consciousness, she got physically very weak. the doctor asked her a series of questions, and what stood out was her history of gastrointestinal symptoms. because he was a male doctor, he couldn’t do a physical examination on her. he kept asking her to press on her abdomen to see if it elicited any pain. till that point everyone else, including me, were just bystanders. i wanted to let the doctor do his thing. but by then, i stepped in, told the doctor i was a registered nurse, and asked if i could help palpating her inguinal area. it was evident that it was difficult for any lay person to be palpating in the right regions, and with enough depth. he was glad someone could actually properly palpate her inguinal area. pain was elicited when i palpated her right inguinal area, but nil for her left side. it confirmed his suspicion of appendicitis. she was shivering too, despite a sweater over her. she told me she was still feeling cold, so i took off my thick sweater and laid it on her. i did this despite knowing my scarred arms would be bared for all, even the doctor, to see. but nothing was more important than the wellbeing of a patient, that i knew. we stayed with her till the ambulance came, and i reported the findings of right inguinal pain to the paramedics. i stopped short of reporting rebound tenderness, although that is characteristic of appendicitis, because i did not palpate that. but seeing she was in good hands, the doctor and i left.
throughout the whole situation, and after that while i was in the adoration room, i cannot help but feel a stirring in my heart. again it was the same stirring i got a few years back. i felt like God was reminding me of what He first called me to be- a nurse. whether or not it was a push to return to nursing, or if it was a reminder of my identity as God’s child and my gifts that were God-given, i do not know. but i know this will linger in my mind and heart for a long while.
i’d give anything to go back to nursing, but i’ve tried very hard and subjected myself to a lot of scrutiny and “abuse” because of my mental illnesses. it remains to be seen if i will return to nursing one day. maybe one day i’ll be well enough to go back, barring my scar-laden arms.
thank you Papa God, for reminding me of who i am, and the fire that burned so brightly in me once upon a time. this calling is something i can never forget, and will continue to pursue, even if i’m studying psychology right now.