When the going gets tough

I’m not weak, and i’m not lazy. I’m just in pain, a lot of stiffness and facing a new bout of fatigue.

I know that i am stronger and better than it. And i’ll never bow down to it.

Except that i’m really trying, and i’m tired of trying. Fucking damn tired.

I’m tired of trying pretend that everything’s fine and dandy, because nothing is.

I’m tired of trying to predict what will come tomorrow, because it is never predictable.

I’m tired of the uncertainties to come, because nothing’s certain.

I’m tired of being judged with it, because i am myself and nothing else.

And i’m tired of trying to be what i’m not, because i want to be myself. Being myself entails many things unfathomable, and therefore i can’t.

I wished i didn’t try so hard, but nothing’s worth it if you don’t try.

I wish a panacea exists. But there isn’t. That’s why i am tired. That’s why everyone’s tired.

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