Reflections

Got to pull my act together. Like seriously.

I’ve been a seriously whiny bitch these days. Plus i’ve been so indifferent with school, it’s fucking pathetic. Whatever happened to all that drive to do my readings and read my favourite med-surg textbook? My mind’s been dangling in ‘twilight’, and i feel fucking indifferent and apathetic. It’s a horrid feeling, but with no motivation or inspiration whatsoever, i can’t seem to get myself out of the rut. *sigh* I need to get my lazy ass back to the books, and do what i should do- READ.

I need to get back to ballet class. I know if i do go back, it will feel like i’m HOME. It’s where i belong when all else fails. But then again, i feel myself zoning out in classes especially since this year. Tomorrow maybe? If i’m feeling better for sure.

Oh Yes. Zoning out. I’ve been terrible with my attention span. I do and can pay attention, but more often than not, i zone out somewhere along the process. Funny thing is, i process the information, but not as much and hard as i’d like to. I can’t seem to concentrate. It’s so AGGRAVATING. Been living like this since this year. It makes me feel so bad. I’m hearing instead of listening, and this is what a nurse should NOT do. 😦

Motivation? Gone. *poof* Dissipated into nothingness. I lost all drive that i had, perhaps due to the sense of hopelessness and helplessness that i’ve been clinging reluctantly to. All that tenacity that i once had when i was a teen(not that i’m not one, but it was then, with the raging hormones), and now, nothing. I kinda miss it. I miss wanting things so badly that i worked my ass off just to get it. None of those drive anymore. Shit. I’m scared for myself now. I’m scared that i will never get anything i want, just because i don’t want it bad enough(though i really do) to warrant the kind of drive and tenacity that i once had.

*tsktsk*

I’m so disgusted with the state i am in right now. Time to slowly pick up the pieces and get my act together. No more time to waste! I’m graduating in 10 months, which also means my dancing life will also end then!

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