Today, I was told about things i did right and wrong. It was for sure confidence-boosting, yet it made me reflect on what i really wanted out, and what i could take from it.
I was glad that there was a balance of the good and bad. When i heard about the good things, i naturally doubted myself. The first thing i thought was- “Are you sure?”- and i thought it was something standard/blown up that they would tell everyone. Afterall, this is what is being done in the hospital. However, I wholeheartedly agreed with the mistakes i made though. Mistakes that still has me beating myself over it after 2 weeks.
I won’t mention what was said, but i guess after the conversation was over, i knew only two things. That my heart felt all warm and fuzzy, and that i must do things right. I guess in some ways, i underestimated my potential and the things i did without my own knowledge. There are new expectations and growing pressure now that what needs to be told has been told.
Prior to this, some of us, including me, couldn’t picture ourselves in the local competition, or even anywhere near there. Well at least now, i know that there is a possibility that i can reach it. Not without effort though. So i jolly well do it, and do it well. This is the least i can do.
Much to what i had expected, RA had to come up in the topics(as always, unless i kept it a secret). It isn’t a sensitive issue per say, but i do get a little raw if words are not used carefully(like how it happened in the hospital interview). They were tactful and understood that stress could be a potential problem for my RA. So they addressed the need to manage stress in order to keep things under control. Similar questions to the hospital interview popped up, but somehow i didn’t feel offended this time! Anyhow, they seemed concerned about me and my condition, and mentioned that i should inform them if i had any problems. 🙂 I’m just thankful that they didn’t let my RA become my disadvantage! 😀
Leaving the conversation, i took many things with me. New emotions, new motivations, and most definitely i felt refreshed. I’ve wanted this so much, and this was an affirmation that i wasn’t wrong to pursue it. What i have to do is to keep going at it, put in the best damn effort i can, and just go for it!!! I’m not saying i am going to get to where i would ideally want it to be, but dang. Nothing’s worth it if you don’t try right?