Today, i was defeated. I didn’t think i would, but i did anyway. It was a sign of weakness. At least it is by my own definitions. I did feel better after that, but nevertheless, it was inappropriately timed.
I was not ready to do my skill assessment today. I have yet to pick myself up since last night, and was emotionally a mess. Put it shortly, my request to postpone my own assessment was denied, and i panicked quietly in my pea brain, fretting about how i was going to handle it. I was pissed initially, but my heart got the better of me.
And i broke down. I believe it was the first in school in front of my classmates whom i’ve known for 2 years, and in front of a teacher i might add. It was inappropriately timed, but the rubber band got overstretched, and it snapped. I really shouldn’t have done it. Just wasn’t right. Anyhow, after talking to my skills teacher once he saw me sobbing away, i got myself washed up and got my act together. I was the last to go, and instead of deciding to let that try be futile, i told him to count it as my assessment. He said i did well, but i didn’t think so. I was just trying to get it over and done with it, without killing my grades. Anyhow, my teacher was really nice. I kept apologising and thanking him, because i know i was bad. I’m just hoping that nothing goes beyond the 4 walls, and no one, especially the teachers, hear of this happening.
I am ashamed to have let myself cry. The girl who’s exceedingly obnoxious, overbearing, loud, irritable and impatient in class actually broke down. This is unheard of. Oh well. Now everyone knows i’m weak.
I fondly recall seeing a Calvin & Hobbes comic strip when i was in primary school, and its message always resonates in my head. That…
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.
Things can only get better after this, i hope.