Letting go

Bear with me, if you will. I’ve been trying to be mature about this issue. But now i shan’t.

It’s time to let go. I don’t want to fight for it anymore. I don’t even want to make that phonecall to concede defeat.

Because it’s a lost cause.

No one will fight for me. No one wants me to stay. Including those who know how much i hold this dear. Those who know how hard i fought for it. Those who know how much i didn’t want to be out at all.

They won’t even fight for me. Because i am just not good enough. Because i am now a nutcase. And people with loose screws don’t deserve anything.

They won’t even fight for me because they don’t believe i can do it. They don’t think i am up to it. They don’t think i am strong enough. They think i am a liability.

I just need one person to believe that i can do it. I just need that one person to fight with me and tell them that i can, and i will. But i’ll be so disillusioned to think that that will happen. Because no one will. No one fucking will.

So i’ll surrender. I’ll give up. I’ll let you have it YOUR way. I won’t fight for it anymore. You’ll get what you want. But you’ll bloody regret that you didn’t want me. All of you will bloody regret that you didn’t fight for me. You happy now? Are you fucking happy now?

How will i hold my head up?

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