I packed my room today. Finally. And i guess packing my room means that i was ready to move on. Because my room has been a terrible mess. All accumulated since mid-July, with all my FYP and WSS things piled up high. It is no wonder i didn’t even bother to pack my room- i was too consumed in what i was going through to even give a damn about the room i was living in.
As i packed my room, i inevitably had to sort through my WSS things and my hospitalisation things. Everything was left as it was since i got home. I didn’t touch anything. And as i was putting aside my WSS things, i wondered where they would go. It’s a pity to let them sit in the corner and collect dust. But at the same time, those were the things that were very important to me for the last 7 months. Just having WSS in my mind again was enough to shake me.
I tried to distract myself by finishing what i had originally set out to do. Cleared out so much junk, cleaned the floor and sorting through what seems to be an endless pile of receipts… The last were the things from my hospital stay. The admission and discharge documents, the bill that came(i’ll talk about that another time), the wrist tags i had etc. And i started to think about how everything had culminated with me ending up in the hospital.
I put away everything and started reading through the ‘warm fuzzies’- the notes we wrote for each other during the full-time training, and i finally slumped by my bed and sobbed. I cried, and cried so much again. And i thought i wouldn’t cry about it again.
Because it still hurts. It fucking hurts no matter how much i’ve cried. It still pains me even though i’ve come to terms with it. 😥
I’ve packed everything in a box. And i’ll store it away once it becomes official that i am no longer part of the team. Because it hurts so much just to look at my file of notes and CPGs, my dressing sets and my bandages.
Life goes on, with or without WSS. And WSS training has to go on with or without me. Sad but true.
WSS is the first, and the biggest regret of my life as of yet.