Game over

I have officially informed them about my decision.

So i guess i’m officially OUT. Game over for me.

I feel both angry and sad that things had to turn out this way. But relief overwhelms me now that i’ve put it down for good.

 I feel so relieved that i never have to go back to the bitter partnership, and go back to beating myself up over and over again for the things i did, or for the things i didn’t. For the lack of better words, leaving just like that is giving up and taking the easy way out because nothing has been solved. I’m just escaping. But I suddenly feel that i’ve been set free.

But at the same time i feel sad that i can never be part of the awesome team, and laugh with them again. That i cannot continue to grow as much as i did when we were training.

 Anyhow, i must mention that today, they gave me another chance at it. But the way i see it, for me to be mentally fit to continue in such a short span of time is IMPOSSIBLE. Because i am not getting the help that i need, and even though i am now liberated, i seem to have gone the wrong way yet again, in many ways much worse.

Now that i am free, i must get on my way to recovery. But it will not mean that i will stop crying about it.


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