The days ahead hold a lot of uncertainties for me. When is it ever certain anyway? I don’t know how long this will drag on.
I was a bad girl yesterday. I knew it was wrong, but I did it anyway, and owned up to it today. I know for a fact that once I’m transferred, I won’t get anymore privileges like what it is here. And I’m already feeling deprived here.
What am I to do now? Get my ass out of here by lying my way through? Or stay, and risk staying for a long time till they deem me fit to leave? What about school? What about life?
I’m actually fearing what is to come- the change of environment and unfamiliar faces. I will protect myself if I need to, and be difficult if I have to. I just want to be over and done with this. Enough already.
If I could put my thoughts into actions right now, and if I had means to, I would do it right away. How awesome it’d be if everything could end just like that. Just like that. Thinking about it, why did I wait? Why was I forthcoming? It’d be all over by now if if I didn’t hesitate.
Now I’m getting bombed everywhere I go, and by everyone I meet. Terrific job there, Steph. Just great. Congratulations on digging a 6-foot deep hole for your own grave.
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