1/14

For the first time in 2 weeks, i stepped out into the real world. I’m back at home and on my sorely missed bed. Bathed Poppy, who has grown very quickly i must say. Had a mediocre massage done. Met up with WSS peeps over dinner at New York New York, where we first had a dinner together as a team(not whole though). Watched a movie with Hwee. All from 2pm till midnight. You can see how pressed i am for time in the outside world, before i head back to my safe haven.

It wasn’t all a bed of roses. But i’m trying, and i’m learning. I’m not afraid to admit that i faltered and stumbled, because i am only human. I just wished i could erase those awful thoughts, and i wish it wasn’t so difficult taking the first step out.

Now that i’m momentarily out, i am vulnerable. My heart tells me to go wild. To really go mad, and go on do-what-you-couldn’t-do frenzy. Sad but true. And it’s such a conscious effort to say NO. To tell myself that i deserve better, and that i should give myself a chance to love myself.

Seeing the girls, and talking about the whole issue was really hard. No doubt about that. Somehow some part of me still wants to be engaged in the conversation like i’m still part of the team, as if i knew what was going on. But i don’t. I only know one thing- i am to blame. Well. Life goes on, and time stops for no one. They’ve moved on well without me, so i guess i should be moving on too.

I love you guys. You guys rock my socks! Make me proud ok loves? 🙂

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