Oh so fickle

Today was a day where i tried to accomplish a gargantuan amount of things. And today is plain evidence of how spontaneous, or fickle, whatever you call it, i am.

After seeing my social worker at the hospital, i initially planned to head towards home, and perhaps do some shopping at the mall near my place. But at the snap of my fingers and on the train platform, i took the train in the other direction and headed to town. Town? Was i up for it? It’s afterall a Saturday, and the crowd would drive me mad. But i went anyway, because i wanted to visit Kinokuniya.

After the bookstore, i decided to cab home because i was too tired. So there i was standing at the taxi stand, waiting for cab, when suddenly, i changed my mind. There and then, i made an appointment for a massage at some 40 minutes later. My back and neck were killing me- the erector spinae, sacroiliac joints were all screaming in pain. So off i went, and boy it was such a good massage.

Then i decided i should go home. But no, instead of taking a turn in the direction of the bus stop, i went straight into a supermarket. A supermarket with A LOT of people. I decided there and then to buy my own dinner. And then before i paid, i picked up a bottle of whisky. If i couldn’t go for drinks at a bar, i might as well drink in the comfort of my home. I finally headed home.

But as i neared the bus stop, i missed my bus. So i decided to take another bus home, which alights me at a 10 minute wallk away from my house. At the same time, i would take a detour and go to the convenience store to buy ice and a PET bottle of diet coke.

And then i finally got home.

Out of all the things i did today, i only planned the first one. The rest of them were a result of my spontaneity and my fickle mind. I make plans, but more often than not, i don’t follow them.

This is why i am impulsive, unpredictable, and why i prefer to be alone most times. And that is why i hate myself sometimes.


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