31 days

I’m back home, this time for good. It’s been exactly a month- 31 days.

The number of medications i have now at home is appalling. I could open a pharmacy with this list:

  1. Diclofenac- 50mg, 75mg
  2. Etoricoxib- 90mg
  3. Anarex- Paracetamol+Orphenadrine
  4. Panadeine- Paracetamol+Codeine
  5. Hydroxychloroquine[shit load of this! šŸ˜” ]
  6. Methotrexate
  7. Leflunomide[i’m angry because i have 2 extra tabs worth $70!)
  8. Prednisolone
  9. Omeprazole[shit load of this too]
  10. Fluoxetine
  11. Mirtazapine
  12. Hydroxyzine
  13. Dimenhydrinate
  14. Dextromethorphan
  15. Procodin- Promethazine+Codeine
  16. And a shit load of others like Amoxycillin, Metronidazole, Aspirin, Paracetamol, Fastum gel, folic acid, antacids etc.

My mind almost exploded just trying to sort everything out and putting things in order. Well i previously defaulted on my RA medications. But now i can’t quite default on anything because if i do, it’ll be big trouble for real. SoĀ as i’ve previously only taken my meds in the night, i have to get into the habit of taking them both in the morning, and at night, with an afternoon dose if required. *meh* I HATE THIS.

Time to get things in order, and start doing things for myself, and not for others. Because at the end of the day, you can’t please everybody, and you’ve only got yourself to be answerable to. I am NEVER going to lose myself in the process of wanting something else. Never ever again.

So many lessons i’ve learnt in the past few months. Really rough and tough months. That people whom you trust the most are gonna be the ones who let you down and betray you. That some people are so jaded, they can’t even see where they’ve gone wrong, and would push blame to everyone else except for themselves. That some people would do anything, anything at all, to get what they want at the expense of others. And then try to cover their backsides after that, thinking everything is fine and dandy. HELLO!? Just who are you kidding? Wait and see… That some people are only concerned about you because you serve some purpose to them, and once you lose that, wham! They ignore you like they’ve never known you before.

And i’ve learnt that i am so much more than this. That it’s ok to have given up, because it takes more strength to do so, than to bull on in misery. That it’s ok if i’m not in it, because God has greater plans for me. That it’s ok to cry. That everyone deserves toĀ be loved. To take comfort in knowing that i did my darn best, did well, and made a difference in the team. To take comfort in knowing that they are definitely not better off without me. And to take comfort in knowing that i didn’t insist to continue because they were never going to change the partnership because they are adamant that i’m the one at fault.

I’m appalled. It is incredulous how things turned out, and i’m very disappointed at how things were mishandled. Granted that i could also have handled my side of the situation a little better, i was makingĀ a concerted effort to help myself and improve the situationĀ before everything spun out of control. I’m upset about it. Very upset about it. And believe me. I’ll do something about it. I WILL.


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