I guess i wandered off the beaten track and got lost…
When i joined nursing, i just knew i had to do it. Along the way, i found out something about myself. Something which i’m good at. And with it, i’ve talked with so many patients, and built rapport with so many of them. I wanted to be there for my patients. I wanted to make a difference.
But then i lost my focus, when the competition came along. Suddenly, it became all about making impressions. It became all about discipline, hard work, commitment, team effort. But not for the right purpose, and not for the right people. I was trying so hard to prove myself to the wrong people. I forgot that it really was about the patients, and not some ‘scripted and rehearsed patients’, and definitely not for the people who were going to put a score- a number- on us.
I guess at the end of the day, it is not how well you resuscitate a person, nor is it about how well you teach your patient about using the inhaler. It is all about the patient- how you make them feel, how you empower them, and that genuine touch that cannot lie. It’s about mutual respect, empathy and communication. And that compassion to help.
I’ve got to go back and search deep within again, why i wanted to be a nurse above everything else. It’s not about my pride and dignity. It’s not about that stupid medal. It’s not about proving to others that i’m ‘good enough’. It’s not about phrasing my sentences right to the tee. It’s not about textbook answers.
It’s because i care. And that’s why i want to be a nurse. And that’s why i need to get back on my feet. Because i have to do what i’m destined to do. I’m going to go out there and be the terrific nurse i know i’ll be, if i let myself. I’m going to go out there and do what i do best- to talk with them, and to just listen.
And i’ve gotta hold that close to my heart. Because i know that somewhere along the way, i will get lost many a time. But then i’ll know that i just have to go back to where my roots are. And truly know why i was nurse to begin with.
Go out there and kick some asses, Steph! Your patients need you!