After almost 2 months, i finally saw my girls. All 5 of them no less. I saw their smiles which thawed my icy cold heart. I bear-hugged them all. I gave them personal letters which i penned at some 5am in the morning. And i left a quote on an envelope to motivate them. I still love them the same, and i missed them awfully actually. I didn’t plan to see them. I really didn’t. But circumstances forced me to do otherwise.
I saw the people i wanted to see. I saw the people whom i hated to see. I finally broke down. I broke down and sobbed uncontrollably like an idiot when i was alone because of the memories that seeped through my veins. The knowing that i could have been there, that i am only human and really shouldn’t be treated like a lifeless doll, that i’ve come such a long way after being left to pick up the pieces by myself, that i had to hurt the people i love just so that i could muster up the strength to leave it all behind for good, and to have to harden my heart and build brick walls just to protect myself. I won’t downplay it and lie. It hurts so bad. So fucking bad.
I didn’t speak to the people i didn’t want to speak to. I won’t even look at them in the eye. What do you want me to say? That i understand? That it’s all my fault? That i’m sorry? That it wasn’t their fault? That i take back the nasty things that i’ve said on here? I won’t. Because if i do decide to look at them in the eye, i will, and i swear i will talk them down. And don’t touch me with your dirty hands, you hypocrite.
I paid a huge price here. I paid a hefty and high price. I’ve paid my dues. So much that was imposed on me just because of their fucking insensitivity. That was no way to treat a 20 year old. That was no way to treat a 20 year who at that point of time was coping with 3 conditions.
I love my girls. I love all 5 of them. And if i had a choice, a proper one at that, i would stick through with them. Because they genuinely care, and they were there for me. Unlike those ruthless people who cared only when i was of use to them, didn’t even bother to even find out how much damage they’d caused, and couldn’t give a damn about what’s happening to me.
Well, i’m definitely better off without these TOXIC people in my life. They should be discarded. Thrown away. And never to be seen again.
As for the 5 of them, i’ll always be rooting for them!!! 🙂