I’ve been sleeping for hours on end these days. It pales in comparison to the little/zero sleep i have if i do not take mirtazapine+amitriptyline+quetiapine at night. But so what if i’m sleeping?

I have dreams. Vivid dreams. And they are dreams which aren’t normally nightmares, but they are bad enough to leave me mortified in the dream space. Transaminitis in my dreams. Ballet performance gone wrong. *yikes* I think i have flares in my dreams too.

I toss and turn in pain, grimacing and groaning even in my sleep. Because apparently even in sleep, i am not liberated from the pain in my joints.

I don’t know if i’m sleeping more because of the flares, but it definitely seems so after today.

I opened my eyes in the afternoon(yes i wake up in the afternoon because i sleep at 4am) and i went “oh no not again”, closed my eyes and went back to sleep, wishing that i could sleep it away.

Obviously things don’t work that way, because if it did, all i’ll need is rest. *pfft*

After coming to terms with the fact that i have to get out of bed with or without the pain, i continued my shuteye on the couch, still silently wishing that everything would be fine after i woke up.

But no. None of that. In fact i was still in terrible pain after woke up proper. And an elbow which refused to fully extend due to the synovitis. I popped 20mg of prednisolone(that’s 20tabs of pred 1mg) hoping that it would be the ‘panacea’.

Then when i saw the date on the packet, it read 2008. I realised i might have been taking expired pred all these while because there isn’t an expiry date on the blister packs. *meh*

Great. I’ve been taking expired pills.

It’s been days on end since my last pain-free day. When’s my GOOD DAY coming??? Diclofenac isn’t working. Neither is pred.

I want to die.


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