Don’t you fucking get it?
I do NOT want to see any of you fucking teachers, and that’s that. There is no room for discussion, period.
Why do you even want to bloody see me? And why I should even be seeing any of you?
You’re just gonna trample on me again and again with your fucking condescension, and your inability to discern what’s right and wrong, what’s good and bad. And then you’re going to open your fucking gap without using your fucking brains(that is, if you even have one), then do what you do best.
Yes. You’re gonna do just that and leave me terribly broken. And you do it as though it was the only right thing to do.
You ask me how I am doing. Fine by me, that is courtesy. But when you add a ‘better?’ after that, I get really angry.
Why? Because you’ve been asking me that for many months. You don’t know it, but you unknowingly put pressure on me to get better. I even recall you insisting that I could go back to work after only a week’s break. Don’t you get it? Obviously you don’t.
I’ve been getting so much shit from the school. Or it would be more apt to say teachers. So much expectations, so much pressure to recover, so much fucking hypocrisy, and so much insensitivity and disrespect. And even when I was back in the wards, there was so much pressure to perform, and so much pressure to perform as before, as though nothing has happened.
I’m sorry, but I am only human like all my other peers. I try my best, but I do make mistakes. Don’t tell me ‘even my best student can make such a mistake’. It is precisely such words and expectations that break me down. You mean I can’t even make a mistake? What am i? Infallible? Hell no. Sometimes you teachers forget that I am still a student, I am still learning everyday, and that I am only human with emotions. You forget that I am a young adult coping with different medical and mental conditions.
And yes. I am going to be a straggler. I’m going to be a straggler because I am too fucking weak to even try to get my act together. I am going to be a fucking straggler because here I am on a journey of self-discovery and recovery, still trying to get back what I’ve lost, while my peers are fucking registered nurses now.
And I wonder, how something like being in the school of nursing, could make me crumble.
Anyhow, back to the point.
You teachers don’t even fucking respect me even as a fellow human, when all I’ve been to all of you is to be responsible and respectful. What did I do to deserve so much shit from you fucking teachers? Why should I even bother?
This cannot get any more aggravating. It’s difficult when you alone are fighting so many fucked up people, just so that you can retain your sanity, and trudge forward with head held up high.
I think it would be extremely helpful if I told them that they are fucking triggers and real threats to my state of mind.
Sigh. They can’t get any denser or more antagonistic, can they?
Bloody fucking bullshit.
Just die. Seriously.
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