Pathetic

It’s already bad enough when you are dependent on medications for sleep. The amitriptyline, mirtazapine and chicken dose of quetiapine used to work so well- knocked out for a solid 12 hours.

But now that you have sworn off mirtazapine, and you’ve developed a tolerance for the amitriptyline and quetiapine, your sleep is as interrupted as before.

Damn it. You wake up almost every hour, checking your watch to see if it’s time to wake up. You groan when there are many more hours, because you know that you’re spending more time trying to fall asleep than actually sleeping.

Got such thing meh?

Well apparently there is such a thing and it is worse than not getting any sleep.

Managed to get zolpidem on top of amitriptyline and quetiapine for sleeping. Granted that it is quite short-acting and more for initiating sleep, I am still hoping that I can sleep through the whole 8 hours that I have.

Seeing my rheumy tomorrow at long last. Had my bloods taken. Looking at how my blood clots at a slower rate now, I’m fretting for my liver rather than the platelet count. *aargh* Nevermind.

I think what’s gonna happen is that my bloods are going to be all normal, and I’m going to present with no signs of swelling, and then everything stays the same without any changes. Although I’ve said that I am waiting for transaminitis to occur, I believe that everything’s gonna turn out fine. I’m gonna keep waiting for biologics, and I swear I will get flares after I see her. Then I’m going to be darn helpless and irritable because nothing seems to help with the pain. And then I’ll be waiting for my next rheumy appointment just to seek some relief, and not getting it in the end because all the flares seem to resolve a week before I see her.

FUCKING DAMN IT.

Tomorrow’s gonna be a really bad day, I suppose. I’ve been waiting for 2 months for tomorrow to happen, but somehow I feel I will be disappointed.

Posted from WordPress for Android

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