I had a terrible flare in my wrists last night. The excruciating pain in my wrists, together with the nagging pain and stiffness in my other painful joints, made me mad grumpy. It didn’t help that my wrist brace was nowhere in sight (why do i only have one if i have two wrists?), and the ketoprofen patches were totally useless. Using the laptop or my handphone was out of the question, and all i could do was just to sit and wait for the quetiapine to kick in and knock me out.
I had little choice but to tape my wrists with cheap sports tape (and by cheap i mean $2 from Daiso), although i must say that it’s pretty good at such a steal. It didn’t immobilize my wrists adequately, but it was better than nothing. I thought of popping prednisolone, but what my rheumy said kept resounding in my head- that a huge stat dose of 50mg could make me gain weight- and i had to will myself from taking it the easy way out at the expense of my weight.
Doesn’t help that my tarso-metatarsal joint has been painful, red and swollen for a couple of days already.
Frustration at its best.
I really do not know what i should do anymore.
I’ve been fighting and fighting so hard. But i’ve grown so tired and weary that my subconscious mind wants to just give it all up. “I don’t want to do this anymore”, i would tell them sobbing on a few occasions.
I can’t tell how you how much i want to give up. But at the same time, i can’t.
I guess i don’t have any other choice, do i?