:(

don’t really know what i should be doing. don’t really know what i shouldn’t be doing. because i’ll be damned if i do, i’ll be damned if i don’t. what the hell.

5th day off all of my medications, except for MTX, quetiapine and Mercilon. drifting into a phase of non-adherence. sick. and tired. of popping. pills. *meh* i know i’m going to pay for it in due time. i can actually already feel everything coming back in waves.

pain. everywhere. in my shoulders. in my elbows. in my wrists. in my fingers. in my bloody hips. in my knees. in my toes. muscle aches. fatigue. a new mouth ulcer. ‘minor infection’ still persists with purulence, occasional dyspnea and dizziness. left-sided odynophagia has reappeared. mood swings. what the fuck.

losing weight. but my face is still fat. i am not taking prednisolone anymore. what the hell. why is my face still so fucking fat? and suddenly going back to the weight which i once was at doesn’t seem enough anymore. oh what the hell.

i don’t know what i should be doing. well i should be doing nothing really. because Steph is always fine.

*aargh*

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

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