Bad flare day

Right.

This is one of those days. One of those days when I am almost completely incapacitated. Inactivity is already painful. Any movement made is EXCRUCIATING. And the only thing that I want to do all day is to fidget and find a remotely rare position in which I feel relatively comfortable in, and stay in that position for the longest time possible.

Synovitis+++ in both shoulders(and these are the joints that are very murderous), both wrists, finger joints, both hips, and a knee. Bursitis in the other knee. With a terribly achy back from a mere 3 hours in heels that are barely 3 inches high yesterday. Couldn’t even stand up straight, nor walk without a limp.

Life is awesome. Yay.

Actually no. I feel like dying. Or getting knocked unconscious. Hurts so fucking badly really. I want to moan and groan, but I don’t think I’m allowed to. I want to talk to someone about it. But that’s just attention-seeking. So I’ll just shut my gap, grit and bear, and just wait for it to blow over.

Like it always does. And like what I’m always expected to do.

*sigh*

And feeling like a mighty whale. Back to where I was I guess- restricting till no end. I was miserable, but at least I wasn’t that fat. Better to be hungry than fat. Right.

Fuck.

I’m sorry if I sounded very self-consumed, but this is my only outlet to vent my frustrations.

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One thought on “Bad flare day

  1. Iam a 50 y/o fem. from nz. 2 orthos have said a massive effusion on my knee will cause bones to crumble but due to my chem. Sensitivity no knee replacement will be done as body will likely reject. as u can imagine as this prob. has been ongoing for years i have done much research. Latterly being told to suck it up and that a wheelchair will be a necessity i have taken back control by scoping out a decent exit plan with a decent organisation. i hav no comprehension why so many folk suffer without making such a consideration. btw 2 days after being told to suck it up i developed arthritis in jaw. altho sleep is gravely impaired for a few hours a tincture of cordyalis black cohosh jamaican dogwood and pukatea in spring water helps along with transdermal magnesium spray to prob. areas. iam not suggesting exiting as a first option but iam saying this much pain and degeneration is not what a pet would be allowed to suffer. there are groups who help knowledgably and respectfully which takes away the fear and promotes a lighter feeling should we need to have release. i will try one more surgeon but

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