I wish that at a time like this, I could tell myself that everything’s gonna be okay. I’ve said it and believed in it in the past, when the going got really tough. And it makes a whole lot of difference just saying that and believing in it. Really.
But now I can’t.
Because everything’s not gonna be okay. Who said that the only way is up when you’ve hit rock bottom? (Sam did, and I took her word for it.) Apparently not. Cos’ if you don’t go up, you don’t just get stuck at rock bottom. You go further down. Into limbo.
And the worst part of it is that no one can save you. You could wait forever for someone to save you. But only you can save yourself. That can only happen when you finally gather enough strength and courage to pull yourself together and to keep trying, no matter how hard it is going to be.
How do you do that, knowing that everything’s gonna be futile in the end? How do you do that, knowing that you’ll fall time and time again into the bottomless pit? And how do you do that with the knowledge that you are the only constant in your life, that you are the only one responsible for yourself, and that you are ultimately the cause of your downfall and ‘failure’?
It’s always easy to shift the blame onto others- your loved ones, your friends, the environment, the society etc. Everyone can do that. But to actually realise that you are truly the one and only cause of your downfall? It’s a whole different ball game. And that’s when you start to question anything and everything.
Hell yeah. All of us are disillusioned to different extents. It’s just a matter of wanting to see it and confront it, or turning your back against it and refusing to acknowledge it, rendering you jaded.
Sometimes I look at these jaded people and find them really pathetic. But at least they’re ‘happier’. No? Well if living a life of lies works, then let it be, I guess?
Seriously. How is everything gonna be okay when you know it is not going to be? Believing that things are gonna be okay is just setting you up for disappointments.
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