I feel terrible.
Because I miss my friends so much. All those friends who remain in my heart always, because of how much they mean to me, and because I love them.
I don’t see them very often, admittedly. Things change when we go our own ways. And it doesn’t help that I’m not a very sociable person by nature.
What makes it even more difficult is the situation that I’ve been in for the past year. I am trying though, to do my bit. Nevermind if I am struggling.
But there is only so much that I can give, and so much that I can do. Especially at a time when I am particularly vulnerable, and at a time in which I need to be kinder to myself first, before I can do anything else.
I’ve had to miss several birthday celebrations. And I’ve had to turn down many requests to hang out or have a meal together. It shreds me to have to reject such invites repeatedly. 😦
But I still keep them in my mind and in my heart, although I would understand if there are doubts about such a statement made. I am constantly thinking of them, when I’m not begging myself to trudge on.
I’m hoping for that day when everything is ok again. Because then I can be who I used to be with my friends, not needing to turn them down anymore, smiling once more like I mean it. And of course being there for them when they need a listening ear, or words of encouragement to keep them going.