Ramblings

Several issues/things/whatever you call it, since my last post, and however trivial they may seem, my mind seems to be in a whirl. Maybe it’s change, that’s why. Gonna ramble on and on, so here goes:

Out in the wild (if you get what i mean), i’m doing my best to make sense of what’s to be life. My life. Or rather, doing things that need to be done and doing things that i want to do. I’ve put everything on halt for almost 6 months, and that is pretty darn long i must say. I musn’t let myself idle anymore. This mind of mine too. Let it idle for too long, and i’m good as gone.

My weakness while shopping definitely has to be Kikki.k. Everytime i walk into this shop, oh my gosh. I start to want everything. I had to restraint myself today, after seeing new collections appearing on shelves. If not i would’ve spent like $100+ at least. Told myself how the new collection will still be there the next time i come, and i guess procrastination is good enough as always, to hold myself back.

I have a Kindle, and i have many classics on it like Leo Tolstoy’s, Anton Chekov’s, Jane Austen’s, Virginia Woolf’s, Charle’s Dickens’, Victor Hugo’s, Dante Alighieri’s, Sigmund Freud’s and even Florence Nightingale . But i still love love love books. I have too many books left unread. So i’ve put them all on my reading list, and i am gonna try my darndest to at least move down the list bit by bit. Alrighty. I think i should put up my reading list on the side bar. Yesiree.

Physical health not in its best state. Just few days ago (Tuesday i think), i felt the exertional dyspnea/effort intolerance come back in full force. I thought it was a drop in my haemoglobin, but later on it felt like an electrolyte imbalance, but that was just a guesstimate. About 2 weeks ago i had 2 days of PR bleed, and after that happened, my resting heart rate went up insidiously from 90-100bpm, to about 100-110bpm. The last time Hb i know for myself was 9+, which was still low and i was thus still anemic. So i’ve been just fretting about my Hb these days. Today, i had a chance to ‘challenge’ and ‘exert’ myself in many ways by going out, being in a rush, carrying heavy stuff, and what not. It was absolutely horrible. Beyond horrible actually. My heart raced and i was very breathless. I became so tachycardic and dyspnec, i felt i just sprinted for a 100m race. Latest resting heart rate ranging from 98-115bpm. *sigh* And just today, i only voided like once in 12 hours, which was totally puzzling looking at my intake of fluids. Sigh. I don’t know what the shit this is, but i’m seeing my rheumy the week after. If it persists till then, maybe it’ll show up on my bloods. And if it doesn’t show up on my bloods, then uh-oh.

Planning on my comeback to ballet. First thing i have to start to do again is start stretching and conditioning. I wanted to do cardio because my stamina is terrible. But with a resting heart rate going as high as 110bpm, i don’t know what my heart will do. (Seriously. I don’t want to go into reversible heart failure ok!!!) So no cardio as long as the exertional dyspnea and tachycardia are still around. Just stretching and conditioning for now then. Gotta get off this lazy ass of mine.

Many things to do this coming week. Spending the weekend with my family as usual, and as Sam’s birthday is next Tuesday (which is a working day), we’ll be celebrating it for her during the weekend. Probably need to see my therapist about next Wednesday or so. Next Friday is packed packed packed. Seeing my psychologist and my shrink. Then i’m off to watch KIROV BALLET in DON QUIXOTE with worms!!! 🙂 but 😦

Gonna put up a post later about having to watch Alina Somova as Kitri.

Need to start meeting up with my close friends. LIKE SERIOUSLY.

It’s 2am now, and both my brother and Sam+boyfriend (they are considered as a single entity in my opinion) are not back yet. Waiting up for them, calm the dogs down, chat a little, then i’m gonna hit the sack.

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