“How could anyone be less than mediocre?”
It is something i often ask myself. It is a reminder to myself, to be the best that i can be in everything, and to never accept anything less than that for myself. It is something i live by very personally, and it is also something i remember to do for others. Whether it is peculiar, i don’t know. Mediocrity is something which i avoid at all costs, and in a bid to do so, i think i have lost much. It has never been apparent until the past few years, and when it started to surface and give any clue that it is causing more harm than good, things were already falling apart. It must’ve been a culmination of events which occured, in addition to my seemingly failed attempts to be nothing less than mediocre over the many years. I would never have guessed, to be honest, that although it is good to strive for excellence, it has to be done in moderation.
Upon recollection, i realised that in whatever i pursued, they were things which i felt i could possibly do well in. Anything which turned out otherwise was desperately terminated soon after. Perhaps it was the need to be good enough, or maybe it was just the fear of failure. But whatever it is, i just couldn’t stand being mediocre, or worst, a failure who was simply ‘too jaded to know when to give up’. It was to me, simply said, all or nothing.
It can be said that a huge reason for being afraid of mediocrity, is this inherent fear of being persecuted. It is a very good excuse to let other people criticise you and put you down, for not trying hard enough, for not having enough knowledge, for not having the insight, for not being a leader, whatever. Mediocrity is basically the perfect excuse, and it gives people reason as well, to criticise, accuse and put you down for things you did, or for the things you did not do. In my words, it is a plain “you are asking for it”. And it’s true. It happens. It happens all too frequently. It’s kinda sad.
I understand now, which is a little late, that sometimes it is ok to be kinder to myself, and that i can never truly do well in everything that i do if i were to live my life purposefully and grow as a person. I guess it’s a whole new world for me now, to know now that it’s ok to be mediocre sometimes at the things i am weaker at, so as long as i do not grow to like and be comfortable with mediocrity.
I still believe very much in being the best we can be in all our endeavors. For ourselves. For the benefit of the people you love and care for. And for the people who give you purpose in life. (In more cliched terms and simply said, for the greater good of everyone.) I hope i never lose sight of that.
That said, i need to remind myself that as long as i do my best, it is good enough. That i just have to do my best, and let God do the rest.
I could go on and on, and elaborate further with everything that i said here, but i am just gonna cut all that crap today. It’s just a rant anyway. Aargh.