2 weeks back, taken after ballet class. Again this is unusual for me because i am not one who takes self-portraits, and because i am not one who wears anything less than short sleeves.
I’ve always been afraid of taking my own photos(mostly if my face has to be in it) because it is my reflection made tangible. It scares me actually, but company in photos makes everything ok. I am not one to bare my arms too, because i’ve been taught from young that anything less than short sleeves is revealing. I later became too conscious of bearing my upper arms because of its size. And i only ever bare my arms in ballet class or very special events. Now, it’s been a year since i started clothing myself in long sleeves. But i know it won’t do. Hiding myself underneath all those clothing is just going to make matters worst for myself.
It’s a self-esteem issue really.
So now i’m trying to confront this problem. I’m learning to take and look at photos of myself without cringing and without dismissing my looks. And with this upclose photo of myself in my camisole leotard(my favourite from Wear Moi!!!), maybe i won’t be so afraid anymore.
I’m not saying i am comfortable with doing this, nor do i like doing this. But it is not good to settle for comfort.
And yes. I took off my shrug in ballet class towards the end, nevermind the scars and the huge arms. All the same when i took off my cardigan with only a camisole top underneath when i was at Marina Barrage with my friends, and allowed myself to be in photos like that (those photos are on FB!!!). My profile pic on the blog’s sidebar is from that occasion too.
Does it work? I don’t know. Will it work? Maybe. But i’m trying, and i guess for now that is enough.
Stepping out of my comfort zone and into the unknown which i have stayed away from out of fear.