fighting back

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I haven’t had my hair cut since i fell into depression. I had my first haircut in 22 months over the weekend, and i took the plunge (although it’s more of my impulsivity and spontaneity). Now i have an undercut.

I love it that that streak of rebelliousness in me hasn’t died out. Whenever i did these things that weren’t necessarily a norm- tattoos, piercings, blue/purple/silver hair- i always had a certain mindset. Do what makes you happy. I liked that i wouldn’t give a damn about what the people around me were saying. All’s good as long as i’m happy. This is exactly what is lacking in me as of late, and i miss this part of me.

So although i haven’t been doing too well since i’ve started work, getting this undercut has cheered me up a little and reminded me of who and how i used to be. It makes me want it and the old Steph back.

I’ve been working for a month already, and i have only 5 months more of probation left. I’ve been doing okay at work. I don’t know what’ll become of me if i don’t work, because working keeps me sane. I run into trouble when i’m not at work, and this is something i need to work on. I have been coping seemingly fine, but with maladaptive methods, having being thrown so much in face in my early days in the ward. That is something else that i need to work on, if not it’ll bode well for me in time to come. But with the support of my team, i hope to be able progress fowards.

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