22

i turned 22 just 2 days back

one year ago, i didn’t think that i’d be able to live to see today. i never thought that i’d accomplish what i have so far. i never imagined that i’d come as far as i have.

one year ago, i spent my 21st birthday locked up in the psychiatric hospital. i spent my 21st birthday undergoing the first of the 12 sessions of electroconvulsive therapy(ECT). my world then, was monochromic and lifeless. i was merely existing and kept alive by being locked up in the psychiatric ward. there was too much pain and too many tears, that i sought reprieve in sleeping, each time praying that i may never have to wake up again. i saw all my hopes and dreams crumble, all that love and passion die out. i simply couldn’t see the light, and couldn’t see myself make it through. i was pretty sure that no matter what, i’d be dead soon enough, no matter how hard i tried, or how desperately my team and my loved ones tried.

but one year on, i am still here. i am what i thought i couldn’t be. i am brimming with life. i am hopeful. i dream dreams. i smile and laugh like i mean it. i am burning with passion. i love and appreciate more. i am thankful for each day. and i am finally the nurse that i’ve always wanted to be.

i am utterly grateful. to God. to my family. to my friends. to my team of heroes. to my passion. and to the tenacious fighting spirit in me that just wouldn’t yield to Nina.

i am very much alive, and that should be enough, no matter how much i regress or relapse.

happy birthday steph 🙂

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