I’ve almost forgotten what it is like to live and thirst for life, mostly because the past 2 years have been spent on painfully righting all the wrongs in my life, even when they are not within my locus of control.
I’ve almost forgotten what it is like to live and love life, mostly because the past 2 years have been spent on painfully punishing myself for anything and everything that happens in my life, whether was it right or wrong.
It has been hauntingly painful, all these time, trying to endure and persevere, trying to hold on and hold out, trying to give myself chances when i believe i deserve none, trying to be kind to myself even when i think i am undeserving, and above all, just plain ol’ trying, trying and trying.
Recovery is very fragile and precious, as i’ve come to learn through the hard way. I could spend hours, days and months on end giving my all to recover, but i could also lose it in a second, just like that. That’s the fucking harsh reality of life as such, and as much as i hate it, it is something i have to accept, albeit bitterly.
How do i carry on from here?