admittedly, my life has come to a point where i absolutely need to take self-responsibiity for the way things have turned out. it is very sobering to have think in such manner, because in the midst of illnesses, it is natural to feel victimised by others and by the illnesses themselves.
taking self-responsibility is not blaming myself for everything that has happened thus far. it is taking ownership of my thoughts, feelings and actions, which lead to the consequences that i am facing now. it is being empowered, instead of being hapless and helpless.
it’s 2013, and we are already 1/3 through the year. i have only slept on my own bed for 5 nights so far this year. it’s sad, you know. but this is what recovery costs. for all the time i could’ve spent recovering, i was bullish and pushed on to quickly return to school/work. so of course what was not right, what was disordered, was left to fester and rot over time.
it’s painful, really, trying to right the wrongs. and there isn’t even a guarantee that things will work out in the end. i can only do my best. and as my psychiatrist says, trying is good enough.