tough luck

just last night, i had an excruciating flare that rendered me almost incapacitated. i had my influenza vaccination earlier in the morning, and i can only reckon that the vaccine triggered it all off.

when i could feel it in my joints, the flares, i thought it was a run-of-the-mill flare. it was indeed so, except that either my pain threshold was significantly lowered, or the inflammation was exploding in my joints. i tried using my joint supports/braces to help lessen the pain as i moved. but in frustration i took them off. i had my 3 sleeping pills (2 benzodiazepines included), but i just couldn’t sleep nor settle down. it was at such a time like this that i hated my RA with a vengeance, when i was quietly shooting off expletives in my mind, and constantly asked “why?”. there seemed to be no way out of it, and i felt doomed.

i decided i couldn’t go on like that. it was already 2 am. so reluctantly i took quite a few pills. paracetamol/orphenadrine (essentially acetaminophen with a muscle relaxant), tramadol, eperisone (another muscle relaxant) and sulindac (the only NSAID i can take). i filled the bathtub with warm water, and in i went. i thought a hot bath would do the trick. after that, i switched on the heating pad under my mattress pad, and tried to sleep.

i didn’t. i barely slept the whole night. i woke up at promptly at 6.30 am and puked contents which were digested almost 12 hours before through both my nose and mouth. it was nasty. so so so so nasty.

but you know. i’m still here, intact and in one piece. my joints might still be flaring and i might still be in pain. i guess if anything, although my  joints were further eroded, i am a stronger person. it was tough as hell, sure. but hey, no pain no gain. right?

thank you Papa God. i love You. 🙂

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One thought on “tough luck

  1. Oh man. I hope you are feeling better today! I hate how RA flares can seemingly pop out of nowhere… I had a pretty sleepless night myself. 😦 It can be so frustrating.

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