judgement time

it’s almost time to go back to work proper, and just like i did in the first quarter of this year, i foresee many problems in doing so.

my career is going to be determined by dozens of people who don’t even know me. what they know though? is that i am sick and have been seriously ill for most parts of the year (and that means at least 3/4 of it). they might even want to call me ‘crazy’, i don’t know. what they don’t know? is how much i’ve gone through to still be standing here today and be actually making quite a good bit of progress now.

the sickening part of the whole thing is? it’s my fucking crime to have depression and an eating disorder. talk about stigma. and as if having RA isn’t bad enough to deal with. my 200% will not be enough, as it has always been. just because i’m ‘sick’, my ‘value’ is running on a deficit.

it’s crazy, because i gave, and will always give, my all and nothing but the best, especially to my patients, and also to my roles and responsibilities. i have done maybe even better and more, than others who are healthier and well. what will it take for them to see it? i don’t have the choice of having a clean slate again.

sigh. it’s gonna be a huge judgement and i’m not sure i can handle what i will have to contend with.



2 thoughts on “judgement time

  1. Dear Bloom, Hold your head up, strap on a smile and remember that only the strong [ even if we don’t feel that way most of the time ] are tested these ways and what you have gone through will give you empathy with your patients, others can only hope for Be gentle with yourself for a little while……. Diana xo

    Date: Sat, 2 Nov 2013 06:56:44 +0000 To: soulsongs5@hotmail.com

    • Dear Diana

      It’s lovely hearing from you! 🙂 Thank you for your always kind words of encouragement. It helps immensely in trying times like this. And you are right regarding the empathy.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s