it’s a new start

2013 is over.

the entire year was a harrowing experience, and that is an understatement. it saw me through my worst in its entirety. what seemed like time off work for an admission to treat severe anemia resulted in a nightmarish 6 months of inpatient and the whole year off work. i was in the most precarious state last year. everytime they let me out in the wild, i would end up in an emergency room. i got repaired and sewn up too many times. had to go through even more currents. had more drugs added. i cried, screamed and shouted too much. and i regressed so severely a couple of times. i gained a lot of weight. i attempted (albeit feebly) to have my eating disorder treated. i got murdered by people’s words again and again. my arm? my whole left arm looks like a battlefield.

i wasn’t even sure i could make it past the year.

but there were firsts too. progress. i tried to get my eating disorder treated although i have vehemently rejected it for the longest time. i travelled solo for the first time. i attended a medical conference for the first time. i went on a mission trip for the first time. i made the decision to recover, and to try again each time i fall.

now that it is the new year, and that i am still here…

i just want to be happy again, and be doing what i love the most. nursing my patients, and dancing ballet. i’m not even asking for a RA remission here. will these be even too much to ask for?

i don’t know. but God is with me, and all things are possible with Him.


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