on the 2nd day of the new year, i was on my way to see my new psychiatrist. i go for appointments fairly frequent, usually at least once a week, if not up to thrice a week. i don’t know if it is because i don’t notice it, or that they’re never there. but i saw butterflies.
i saw many small yellow butterflies fluttering about where i walked, which could’ve been for about 400 metres. because of the way God spoke to me recently, and because the yellow butterflies were unrelenting, i thought of something. was God trying to tell me something? i don’t know if i was thinking too much, but i came home and searched the significance of butterflies. (yellow didn’t yield much specifics.) butterflies signify change, or transformation. from a caterpillar to a larvae, to a cocoon and then finally a butterfly. i sat on this idea and thought about it. and i think i know what God is trying to tell me.
it is a process, a journey, that i am undertaking through this period of my life. it is a slow one, and i can only be patient and let God. it is a journey of ultimately, change. you know, they say if one breaks open a cocoon, what is soon to be a butterfly, dies. so yeah. time. i need time. plenty of time. we all know that, but this further reinforces it.
funnily though, my psychotherapist (whom is also Catholic i think, as with my psychiatrist) mentioned today about my calling (which is to be a nurse). we were talking about all of these difficulties i’m facing in just the beginning of my career, and that i seem to be getting knocked off my feet. then he reminded me of my calling, and that if it is truly what God wants me to do, then this is a journey of change and self-discovery. one that i have to go through with humbly and with humility. not bitterly and with anger.
thank you Papa God for loving me always, and for holding my hand and walking by my side relentlessly.