nightmares

and now when i close my eyes, i have nightmares.

nightmares about going to work. nightmares about how i am going to be treated. nightmares about the words that are spoken that stab me like daggers. nightmares about the disapproving faces, the shaking heads, the wagging fingers. one of them was even telling me that they were going to terminate me.

i am reliving the nightmare i fought so hard to put behind me. (i never got to really put it behind me anyway.) i am scared, and inside of me i’m trembling with fear. that i may do something wrong again. or that i may get wrongfully accused again. that i will get berated at once more.

oh good Lord. i go down on my knees to ask You to help me through this very difficult period.

i’m going to either make it, or break it. perhaps even lose it completely. oh please no.

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