it hurts so much, but i don’t know how to put it across to you. i wish you could understand.
i want to tell you how much i am hurting, but i know it’ll hurt me more to even try to tell you.
i wish you could see the tears that fall when you are not looking, when you choose to turn away.
but you can only see my smiles and hear those “i’m ok”s. and nothing more than that.
it seems to me that you wouldn’t expect anything else other than that.
you think you’re here for me. but you’re wrong. you’ve never been so distant before.
and the rift is growing. i don’t know how it’ll ever mend. it’s been 23 years now.
maybe you’ll understand why in all these years, why i’ve closed and clammed up.
maybe you’ll understand why in all these years, why i still try to reach out although my heart is cold.
but perhaps, you never understood, and will never understand the psyche behind all these.
my heart is turning into stone, trying to have you hold my hand when i need you.
and hear those words “it’s ok, i am here with you”.