abound

2014-06-08 21.44.02
in pen and copic

i start my 2nd week at work tomorrow. (i can’t believe i’m saying this again when i was just saying this months ago when i was in Medical Affairs.) my 1st week at work wasn’t terrible actually. it was just a little rocky. my 3rd job and also a 3rd different environment has got me quite confuzzled. the people, the workflow, what i knew before and what i have to undo now, learning to work with disagreeing people (as always), and the constant learning.

i got stabbed in the back by  doctor at work and as a result i got a huge lashing by a colleague. it was by no means my fault. i tried explaining myself, but of course it was futile. i was upset. i was rather distressed. why was this happening on my 5th day at work? i confided in my senior, while threading on thin ice knowing that this was politics. she told me to ignore this colleague of mine, because she tends to be rather brash. very, actually. the matter was complicated. i could do nothing but let myself be maligned as i already was. but truth prevailed in the end. i didn’t have to say anything. other colleagues revealed things that she didn’t know, and it was with that that i think that she realised that she had maligned me. that was the truth.

again, i just had to let go and let God.

my colleagues taught me all that i needed to know to anticipate what our doctor (the boss) is like and wants. it was with much trepidation when i had to work with him. but thankfully it has been all fine. if anything, i have told myself: he could scold me, he could treat me like trash, but when i leave one day, i would have learnt a lot from him (medically of course) and i have nothing to lose. i need to remind myself that i am a nurse and i am not here to please anyone. i nurse my patients, not the doctors.

and in the meantime, i need to cope with these flares, fatigue, dysfunctional digestive tract, effort intolerance and oh-i-don’t-know-what-anymore.

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