FM: how convenient

i think fibromyalgia (FM) can be a convenient diagnosis. at least if it’s with RA.

fatigue? oh it’s your FM. pain? it must be your FM. pain in your joints? i think it’s FM, more psychosomatic because there’s no redness nor swelling.

it’s a damming piece of diagnosis and ICD code. i think July was the culmination of the past 3-4 years trying to ‘fight’ with my rheumy regarding pain that wasn’t resolved. when she finally slapped it on me that it is more psychosomatic and like a chronic pain syndrome, i feel like she could finally breathe. countertransference you know. and perhaps one could say i was “thinking too much”.

how do  i quell the inflammation? if i need to go back and see her (i know i said i’ll divorce her, but…) i can tell her about my adventures the pain specialist who was so kind, with trigger point injections, IV parecoxib, S/C oxycodone, optimized gabapentin, pregabalin, tramadol, the tale of contraindicated celecoxib, the REAL truth about my sacroiliac joints. but what will she say?

will she say in my face yet again it’s your fibromyalgia? even if i think my joints/tendons/bursae are inflammed? i would guess then that it is my irrational fear that my RA will not be validated anymore.

the thing is, i may not need that validation more than my RA does. nothing is only fibromyalgia. RA came first, and there is nothing treating RA now. my rheumy tells Dr S to try his best to co-manage. my rheumy tells my pain specialist to try his best to co-manage. she tells me to try my best. WE ARE ALL TRYING OUR FUCKING BEST HERE.

so i hope if i do find the courage to go back and see her, she will TRY HER BEST for me again. because this state of being with RA won’t do. the flares, the fatigue, the morning stiffness, the malaise…

😦

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