a day ruminating

1 day later, i’m upset.

  • despite my sub-acromial steroid injections, rheumy did tell me that my shoulder pain might really just be trigger points- can you see how fibromyalgia is a convenient diagnosis here? i said nothing to argue; it’d be futile. she’s the rheumy, while i’m the patient. she thinks i’m doing very well globally in terms of RA. so i guess the only joints hurting must be to do with fibro then?
  • while Dr C thinks a lot of my back pain and fibromyalgia pain is derived from my sacroiliac joints and recommends to inject them, rheumy doesn’t think so. she has never thought of it for me, because sacroilitis is very rare in RA. but can’t i be an exclusion? this has bothered me since 2009 till now and it has not yet been addressed until i saw Dr C.
  • and why do i questioned so much when i say lithium prolongs the QT interval if taken with ALL NSAIDs except sulindac? it’s been checked to death by several pharmacists, so why be so insistent? if i could take Celebrex or Arcoxia, i’d gladly take them and not start to consider if i should go on steroids. i’m that desperate. Dr C didn’t believe me too until he checked it himself. so now rheumy will ask the pharmacists herself.
  • i get peeved, even if it is with kind intentions, when it is said i am on a lot of pain medications. IT’S BECAUSE I’M IN A LOT OF FUCKING PAIN that nobody can help me with hello. stop commenting. i’d love very much not to take all these painkillers. but i’ll keel over in pain if i don’t.
  • then one whole long list of bloods are being ordered for me when i’m not on any DMARDs. i’d fully understand if i’m on MTX and/or SSZ. but I AM NOT. so like i said in my last post, i’m not keen on doing them!!! whatever for! maybe my Vitamin D levels and ESR. but my ALT, AST, Albumin, Creatinine, full blood count, or even ferritin(when it’s so normal already!), no fucking way.
  • we spent 40 minutes during our consult in total including the injections. but she forgot to prescribe the most important tramadol and muscle relaxant. she last prescribed them to me!!! all i could remember was pregabalin because it’s expensive in private practice, and even for this i had to run back to ask the nurse to get her to write a script for me. but it’s only this morning that i remembered i was running out of the most important tramadol and Myonal/Anarex.

i wrote an email to rheumy (i sometimes do that), telling her why i was so quiet yesterday, and explaining to her that i was not more depressed than usual. i was a little glad i wrote that email. but now i still feel like shit. maybe, you know, it’s not my rheumy.

the problem lies with RA and fibromyalgia. if these don’t exist in the first place, i think all would be well and dandy.

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