one can’t be talked out of being unwell

i went for therapy last Tuesday. i hadn’t seen J for more than 5 months, so it’s natural that triggering issues inevitably surfaced. she was concerned that i was triggered, because it wasn’t good news. she had every right to be concerned. because after that i wasn’t ok.

the next day at work, i wasn’t myself. i wasn’t in a good mood, of course. it was exacerbated my boss telling me off, and my colleague’s slighting attitude towards me. i told my manager i wanted half the day off because i wasn’t feeling well. and i was asking her for permission. what did i get?

fucking counselling firstly wasn’t asked for, and secondly, was more hurtful than helpful. to make it short, i was fine until i was on Whataspp with my manager for awhile. she tried to “counsel”  me, used others to compare me against, and being already at the tipping point, i broke down at work. i’ve been with this company for almost 6 months and this is the first time i broke down because of legit work itself. i had to quickly wipe away the tears and serve my patient after that. it was no excuse.

she made it such that everyone, including the other bosses, believed boss scolded me. and those that saw me cry believed i cried because he had scolded me. when in actually fact, boss only told me off, and she was the very culprit who made me cry.

to me, if you have the fucking privilege of knowing that i have depression, i expect that you don’t use it to insinuate that i am weak because of that. and i don’t appreciate unsolicited counselling. it was unempathic and insulting. it’s the stigma of depression. that we can be talked out of it. we can’t and you won’t want to take the risk. and anyway when we are unwell, depression or not, we cannot be talked out of being “unwell”. that’s just stupid.

so in just those 2-3 days or so, i saw my manager rear her bitch horns. and i was clearly very disappointed with her politics and manipulation.

it’s fucking disgusting, it makes me wanna puke.

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