a flurry of events of passed since my last post, and as one would see from the photo, it wasn’t and hasn’t been good in all sense.
i’ve typed my resignation letter- i will tender the first of December. i was initially hesitant about it, and was still giving it some thought before last Tuesday. but after that fateful day and what transpired after just put the nail on the coffin. i cannot and refuse to work for a company like that. i was hospitalised overnight the day after i committed a mistake, but the hospitalisation was not directly due to work. it was however in plain sight that i was so stressed out by work that my anaesthetist gave me the rest of the week off. my manager came to visit, and it did not bode well. i never seem to learn my lesson. well she came, empty-handed, talked down to me, but also tried very hard to reassure me that they (she and my senior/supervisor) have been doing so much for me, which i obviously could not see nor appreciate. the words that made me wanna scream was when she said they have been putting in so much effort, “but you have not put in any effort!”. i told, while quietly sobbing, to not make me scream or have a breakdown in front of her.i gave her every example of how much effort i’m putting in. she said a flurry of things, trying to me they’ve been doing this and that for me. which oh by the way, is entirely not made known to me. read: claiming credit right now. i only know i have dodging bullets the first day i came in, which she simply brushed off, especially the issue with big boss. after she had her piece, there was an awkward silence, she told me to go home and think about it, and promptly walked off, as if there was entire truth in everything she said. PURE HYPOCRITE. i broke down after that, realising i was yet another “victim” of another vicious person of authority like what i’ve gone through last time. so you know what, no more chances. i’ve tried my darndest and if it’s still not enough, go find someone else who’ll be your slave. i deserve so much better.
i had both my sacroiliac joints injected with triamcinolone and bupivacaine- FINALLY, since i first complained of the pain in 2009. my new anaesthetist, whom my rheumy referred me to within the hospital, is as nice as she is. he was able to schedule the injections within less than 1 week to the scheduled date- atypical for a tertiary institution. i mentioned my shoulders, and so he agreed to do supra scapular nerve blocks. because SI joints injections would require fluoroscopy, it has to be done in the Operating Theatre and under some sedation. in i went, but before we i started, i presented to them with some unforeseen complications. they were so very kind enough to settle them for me, even though it took them longer than an hour? anyway, i was sedated with fentanyl and propofol, but i was fully aware and conscious. during the procedures, my anaesthetist chatted with me and found out that i had come in stressed and frazzled and thus the complications.
i personally felt that the SI joint injections were not at all that painful. i admit it’s abit unnerving when the spinal needle is in your SI joint and they’re looking for the spot to inject the drugs. but wow, the one that will sting is the injection of the white concoction of drugs into a joint one can barely quantify. but of course, people will always say that the local anaesthesia is the one that hurts the most. it can be true, and i won’t deny that! but i’ve been so used to them so they don’t really matter to me.
the pain team, headed by my anaesthetist, were reluctant to discharge me from the recovery area after my stories and complications. they gave me odd choices, like leaving to go see Dr S, leaving to admit myself into the psychiatric hospital etc. my anaesthetist bugged me to call Dr S. i kept saying i will. until some one hour later, he told me he called him personally. O,O the pain team was very kind to get the in-house psychiatrist to evaluate me. by that time however, the decision was pretty unanimous that i should stay overnight.
staying as an inpatient, one loses control of the drugs she takes. for my morning meds, i only took paracetamol as my only analgesia. the pharmacists had flagged out the tramadol due to interactions with escitalopram which may cause serotonin syndrome. so i’m on Targin, but due to red tape issues as it is a controlled drug and rarely used one too, it was delayed for 4 hours till i was begging them to give me something IV or for breakthrough pain.
when the pain team discharged me, they decided to remove tramadol for good??? i found that really odd. they told me to take Targin 3 times a day, or twice, if i want to. then when i chatted with them, we upped my pregabalin to the maximum of 600mg. and NSAIDs? still no news about that.
this is pain control at its best, albeit the drowsiness. the SI joint injections in the meanwhile, are helping with a lot of the axial back pain.
having a break from work is oh so great. i really needed a break from the toxic work environment.