dangling

i’m scared.

i’m scared everyday, actually. that something will come along my way and hit me like a truck. it’s a difficult way to live, to be honest. everything around me, tangible or intangible, seems so fragile, so hard to hold on to. like it could be broken with the gentlest touch. like they’re sand grasped in my hands.

leaving my job left something to be desired. it is yet another void to be filled, a need to be fulfilled, holding down a job, or even just being engaged in meaningful activity. i struggle with anxiety when i’m alone at home. with headaches, terrible fatigue and frequent nausea too, i feel like i’m transported back to 2013 when i was not in hospital. i cannot complain, for i was the one who made the decision to leave without a job offer elsewhere.

i have a big interview tomorrow for a position to work in one of the biggest hospitals locally. just like the one i left last year. i’m scared. again. i know i can’t put too much hope in it, yet i feel like this is my only chance to redeem myself and my life.

please don’t let yourself down, Steph. you are the light of the world.

 

 

 

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