i’m still aching from the harsh reality that the antithesis of healthcare institutions are, but like what my doctor friend told me, it only hurts so much because i care so much about it. my disillusionment with these institutions was rooted in the way i fell into depression, and how i was treated thereafter. the bitterness lasted as i ended my career with the hospital i thought i’d go far with, last year. so yes it happens that it’ll take me a little while more to get over it, but i’ll be ok again. i think.
over the weekend i dizzyingly put together a back-up plan for myself. that if all else fails, that if even my last prospective employer backs out for some odd reason (which should not be the case), and if i didn’t get my scholarship, i’m over with nursing.
i don’t give up so easily, damn it. nursing is my calling from God, and i will do what God wants. but because of the rigours of nursing, it makes it difficult for someone like me with enduring mental illnesses.
but i won’t think so far ahead. i’ll live each day as it comes.
But this i call to mind,
and therefore i have hope:
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases,
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is they faithfulness.
“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore i will hope in Him.”