the ache will pass

i’m still aching from the harsh reality that the antithesis of healthcare institutions are, but like what my doctor friend told me, it only hurts so much because i care so much about it. my disillusionment with these institutions was rooted in the way i fell into depression, and how i was treated thereafter. the bitterness lasted as i ended my career with the hospital i thought i’d go far with, last year. so yes it happens that it’ll take me a little while more to get over it, but i’ll be ok again. i think.

over the weekend i dizzyingly put together a back-up plan for myself. that if all else fails, that if even my last prospective employer backs out for some odd reason (which should not be the case), and if i didn’t get my scholarship, i’m over with nursing.

i don’t give up so easily, damn it. nursing is my calling from God, and i will do what God wants. but because of the rigours of nursing, it makes it difficult for someone like me with enduring mental illnesses.

but i won’t think so far ahead. i’ll live each day as it comes.

But this i call to mind,
and therefore i have hope:
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases,
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is they faithfulness.

“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore i will hope in Him.”

Lamentations 3:21-24


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