it’s not over. just minutes ago, dad triggered me again.
it’s the 2nd day of Chinese New Year. on the 1st day yesterday, i tried to reconcile with him by forgiving him and talking more to him. but today, just an innocent conversation at 10 in the morning had to break it.
he commented that he noticed i had more acne lately. i told him i blamed the medications. he dragged up the past about the time when i was diagnosed with RA, how he was in denial with my diagnosis, and how he abhorred me taking Western medications. it really explains his hostility to my rheumy. and his passive hostility to my taking of my medications. he thinks Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) will “save” me. or so he thinks (his brother is a TCM physican). i told him TCM will bust my liver. he hasn’t yet grasp the concept that RA cannot be cured.
i told him chose not to, because there is no evidence for TCM being effective in RA. and also, TCM is more hepatotoxic, especially in the long run. i reminded him my liver wasn’t good. i didn’t however, remind him it was due to methotrexate and leflunomide. DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAID???
your liver is weak due to your OVERDOSES!
my heart broke. shattered actually. i didn’t think my dad thought like that. it seemed like with each passing day, month and year, the parents i know aren’t the parents i knew.
now my dad has walked away. in a rage of fury, again, i told him, in that 4 years perhaps i shouldn’t have fought so hard to stay. for what? i wasted their money. according to them. so yeah.