i feel sad today because…

chopsticks_step2

 

i used chopsticks like i always would, for dinner today. it’s my first meal today. it’s just noodles, easy. yeah.

but when i got in halfway through my meal, i said sorry to mum because i was taking a break from eating. my fingers hurt too much. my MCPs and PIPs felt like they were flaring. then i realised i am sorry not sorry. i don’t owe anyone an apology just because i went at my own pace.

picked up the chopsticks to finish my dinner again. mum was done and i was feeling guilty. my fingers hurt and in my mind whirls every single possible reason why this is happening again. my fingers were crooked by the time i finish, my face in a grimace. i had to straighten out my fingers with my left hand.

why is this happening when there is little/no disease activity going on right now???

ok shit yes whatever RA throws at me, i’ll get emo like fuck.

*verge of tears again*

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