“sleeping beauty”

i’ve known fatigue for a large part of my life.

fatigue is a well-known symptom of RA, yet very misunderstood. of course having gone undiagnosed till 17, i was always labelled as “lazy” and everything similar one could label me for being tired.

then came depression. there was fatigue too. i was even more tired. insomnia came and plagued me. i went through so many sedatives in the past years and my sleep is still disturbed.

oh then fibromyalgia!!! how exciting! in all seriousness sometimes i’m so tired i can’t function. all the fatigue just compounds upon one another.

i have reached this point when i’m going out and i cannot predict if i can stay awake throughout the whole trip, or even half the trip if i’m lucky. the times when i do turn drowsy, it’s like someone drugged me. my eyelids start to droop, my head is heavy, and i really need to sleep.

remember me mentioning how i fell while walking because i fell asleep? before therapy a few days ago, i was waiting at an eating area drinking my coke zero. i was so tired i kept falling asleep. alas i totally succumbed to the fatigue and when i woke up, my FRINGE WAS SUBMERGED IN MY DRINK. that same day i was also tired to the point i’m walking like a drunk. if you asked me to walk in a straight line, i can’t.

my family has made fun of me. called me “sleeping beauty”. i have fallen asleep eating my dinner watching tv, while i rested my dinner on my chest/tummy. i have said “i’m taking a short nap!” and ended up sleeping for 3-5 hours.

in the recent light of events (escalation of events actually) and my struggle to stay awake, i saw my GP and she thinks it might be narcolepsy or obstructive sleep apnoea. sigh. so i’ll need to go see a neurologist/sleep specialist to figure it out. i just wish my psychiatrist could give me some Ritalin to tide through this period till we get this sorted out.

there has to be a reason for my crazy fatigue. it cannot just be compounded fatigue can it?!

so frustrated.

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