unspeakable joy

i just returned home from a 4 day 3 night Catholic-Christian retreat, and i am dead beat.

i would like to first say that i do not what came over me when i picked up the phone to call up the retreat organisers when i knew the application deadline was more than already a month ago. but now know that God brought me to this retreat because He wanted to mould me.

He is the potter, and i am the clay. i needed to seek Him first. then i needed His renewal and reaffirmation.

it’s almost 10 years since my last such experience (i was 16 when i attended the compulsory confirmation camp!). attending Mass everyday, having praise and worship, sharing during group sessions, constant prayer, love amongst each other, and healing…

it’s unspeakable joy.

of course at the retreat, i had to find my direction with God when it comes to my illnesses, especially my self-harming ways. my first step was to declare to myself- “only SHORT-SLEEVES through this retreat, Steph! no more hiding! be you!” and i never regretted it. i grew on a retreat staff, as the priest directed me to her. she seemed to know things about me. subtle things that most would miss out. and her wisdom as a missionary, her visions, as God worked through her, gave me so much joy.

but i am home now. home was the place i cried a lot about in the retreat and now i’m back here. it’s reality. reality bites. and my heart is restless.

i will write more, and i will post photos, hopefully tomorrow, before i start work the day after. i’m going paddling for 2 hours early in the morning. although it makes me physically tired, it makes me happy and it takes my mind off things. and i’d like that before i give myself up to my calling from God.

i love you Papa God!

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