i am down with an upper respiratory tract infection (URTI) and laryngitis. basically i have no voice. i have taken medical leave from work.
i am ‘traumatised’ by my first code blue in my new work place. i didn’t know what was going on. but when everyone was confused, and our Nurse Clinician said “CPR!!!”, i jumped on the bed and compressed away like i knew how it should be done. like how i was trained and from my experience.
for the first time i actually felt with my bare hands (i forgot my gloves), ribs breaking under my hands. my heart broke. i compressed for a long time till they found someone to take over me. when i climbed down the bed, i told the doctor i will take over the bagging over the patient (pumping 100% oxygen with a rubber bag) because he was doing it so half-heartedly. c-clamped, but because the mask was too big for her face, air ws still leaking. my colleague helped with the c-clamp (so 2 c-clamps) while i bagged. i was looking at her saturation. it was dismal. my heart continue to break.
my fingers cried while i bagged. the rubber bag was still rather rigid. my finger joints couldn’t take it. but who cares. it was like when i did CPR for a good while. my wrists were crying. my joints and someone’s life. how could they compare? of course while i did my best i thought of impending flares for the next few weeks. but i looked at my patient’s opened eyes, and i really wanted her to live.
she was sent to ICU, where she coded again. she passed away. everyone, including me, were discombobulated. we haven’t even started shift.
as the shift went on, i started to lose my voice. i had my sore throat since Monday. i thought i sang too much in Church, but alas it wasn’t. at the end of the shift, i lost 3/ 4 of my voice.
i am rather sure i had gotten some pathogens from the hospital. from my colleagues or my patients. the thing is, since working since 2012, i’ve never ‘caught’ anything while working. i think psychologically, i was affected by the bad code blue. but sigh.
every single day, i’m learning. including how to fall sick, and how not to. and with code blues, i’ve been experienced with it in the cardiology ward, but really not so much in my new work place.
i’ll just take some time to rest. i feel ok actually, it’s just that neck up, it’s abit screwed. i’m taking more and more analgesia for my recalcitrant headaches. but no fear, i have ondansetron!
oh and i got some pred. yay! yay?