loving and learning


aup10
photo credit: Lawrence Lim

as of now, i’ve only been SUP-ing for about 2 over months. and i’m glad to say that today, i was fortunate enough to take part in a SUP race! i joined the fun boards category, because my board of choice was only 10-feet, and also really because i didn’t think i can push myself further than 2km.

by God’s grace i was granted an off day today, so for that i am thankful.

out of the day came plenty of insights. i had my monsters, and i had my saving grace. i had terribly weak flesh, and i had some perseverance. but i think most of all, i tried to outdo myself today, which i did! and for that i feel utterly blessed.

i completed my 2km race with sluggish performance. i will not find excuses. i did not hydrate myself adequately, nor did i have a good breakfast. i did not want to compromise of all things, my heart, when i felt my chest heaving in a painful and odd way, and when i was dizzy. i basically did my 2nd km kneeling down although i had a freshly scrapped knee.

i was quite downtrodden when i carried my board off the water and onto land. 2nd last! oh my gosh! my monsters came out. i’m a competitive person by nature, and although i know sports will never be my thing, 2nd last wasn’t good enough for me. but though i had friends around me on the spot, they saw my FB post and the words “sluggish performance”, and J was very encouraging. it is true that all that really matters is that i completed it and i had fun!

later on, after the race was officially over, i told R i wanted to rent the board again for an hour just for a leisure paddle. i took my favourite board out, paddling leisurely with my water bottle and my handphone playing soundtracks, the hour passed quickly. in that hour i paddled about 2.8km, which is the furthest i’ve paddled (and recorded by GPS) at a go. i was surprised that i wasn’t tired. it is mind-blowing what a mindset can do. i said i was just gonna paddle to enjoy- i did, and i even surpassed myself.

so today i paddled 5km+ and walked 2km+ (to and from the beach), which is the most workout i’ve done in donkey years. (i’m not am ‘exercise’ person to begin with, and since i retired from ballet due to RA, then fell into depression, i have been severely deconditioned from hospital stays that stretched as long as 4-6 months.) i even managed to go get a prescription after that, go home, change and then go to church!

for 5 years i’ve been nagged at to pick up a sport or something i like. because of the severe depression i never got to do so. finally being able to pick up both a sport and something i like is God’s grace to me. when my treatment team told me that it would help with my mood i never believed them. that is, until i tried it. after today i learn even more about myself and how i have to find a balance between SUP-ing as something i love and as something competitive- something i was not able to do with ballet although i loved it so very much, because no matter how, then, there was an unhealthy element to it.

my SUP instructor and friend R, who also organised the race, left this comment on my FB after my photo post about the race, and i really liked it. it inspires me so much!:

Way to go, Stephanie. SUP is not only about racing, it’s about uniting souls from all corners of the world towards a common goal. It’s about pushing through your boundary, setting new ones or banish them all. The horizons are as far as you can see and paddle. Chase the rainbow at the end of it. YOUR own Rainbow! Enjoy walking on water, every single time. Jesus first walked on water, we just follow.

You did Awesome, finishing the race! Proud of you! Once stretched, you’re never the same Stephanie again.

i am just so happy right now, i can’t wait for my next off day to go for a class with R, or just go for a leisurely paddle.

i’m a little lazy to post photos here because they are all on FB. i have only a few taken myself, and the rest are by the photographers. i’ll find a way next time? this is my procrastinating again.

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