after a hiatus of 3 odd years, i returned to my books yesterday as a psychology student.
admittedly, it has been painful talking to people about me studying psychology and although i’ve been talking about this since May, it hasn’t gotten any easier. i’ve talked to my psychotherapist about it, but we aren’t sure why i feel like that yet. but right now, i know i don’t feel the same for psychology as i did for nursing. i don’t know if this is a mistake.
perhaps i’m struggling with putting down my identity as a registered nurse. about 8 years has been spent into forming everything i am as a nurse. and in a strange way, i was also nursing the sick me at the same time. it’s a strange sense of loss which i’m not sure i can ever get over with.
could it be my anxiety over my inability to control or know what will happen over the course of the next 2 years? or could it be my fear that history(a lot has happened in the past 5 years) could repeat again, especially when my depression started in nursing school?
there is a certain sense of uneasiness going into my studies, although there is some relief now that i have settled on something. i don’t know if it will ever go away, and i don’t know if i will emerge out of it unscathed.
but oh well. life’s like that. no?